It has been about 10 months that I have been battling with Depression. Now, to many this a taboo subject or some do not recognize it as an illness. I am stating this post not to receive pity or empathy from anyone; I have come to this decision because this is the only space where I feel that I can truly express myself without boundaries.
How can I begin to explain depression? Well, for one, it has its symptoms; for example, excessive sleep or insomnia, disinterest, headaches, uncontrolled crying, over sensitivity, rapid mood changes, and (to more excessive cases that do not pertain to mine) thoughts of suicide.Depression has become part of my life and slowly I have learned to live with it. It is never actually 'cured' per-se, but just like there is the possibility of relapsing, there is also the opportunity of coping with it. I have been on medication, but I have completely cut it out of my life for about a month. I do not know how healthy or wise of a decision that may have been. I must admit that the first months of taking Prozac, I felt well and with more energy, but as the months passed, my dependency for the prescription increased. I do not wish to live my life on stimulants/ prescription drugs for the next 50-70 years. So, I decided to go 'cold-turkey'.
I have had my share of good days and bad days (like today) where I feel the whole world is collapsing above me and I have no one to turn to. You might ask yourself why don't I call, send e-mails, or talk to someone? (I know this is a pathetic response, but here it goes...) I do not wish to burden anyone. Depression could be explained like this:
This picture pretty much sums up what I feel at times. And today, because of certain events, disappointments, irritations, worries, lack of judgement, and loneliness, I feel like the previous drawing. I really dislike this constant tug-of-war between me and myself. But fortunately, with every passing day I am learning to take control of it. It's just sometimes, like today, I need an outlet in order to keep myself in check.
