"Okay away we go,
The only thing we got on
is the radio..."
For some reason I find these to be some of the sexiest lyrics on the airwaves at the moment. Well, maybe even just the whole song. It could be because I am so alone physically, that I am over sensitive to words, phrases, images... mostly, anything that makes me feel like you are near me which ironically, is everything.
Last week while rehearsing, one of my friends asked me, "How do you do it? This whole long distance thing? My boyfriend has been living in Dallas for the past four months and it's killing me!" To tell you the truth, I really don't know how I can and do do this. Every day is a brand new challenge, a fear that I must face. The one thing that keeps me going is knowing that at the side of the world somebody loves me and is going through the same thing. I am not alone in my struggle; however, my daily companion is solitude.
I should get aboard a plane and go to him, right? But it is not that easy. Reconciling my two worlds is a challenge that I have dealt with in the past, and one always conquers the other. Leaving means being with him, but leaving also means that I will leave my family, especially when they need me the most. Financial burdens have unfortunately crippled my family, and I along with my mother are the soul providers of the household. But if I leave, I could help them from afar and be with the one I love. But there again another problem arises, I don't know if I want to go back to that particular collegiate life he follows. I have lived that part of my life and I have closed that chapter. I know he is much more than that, but it is his comfort zone, his home... but not mine. It is always hard to make the first move. If I turn in, will he do the same? He tries to convince me of this, but I have always believed that actions are stronger than words. I am just unsure of the next course of action.
Should I cast the first stone and give up control or should I stand my ground and hope that he will come to me?
