Today, on my way back from the supermarket I was asked,
"What's going to happen when you return to the States?"
To be honest, i have not thought about it at all. The pure thought of it scares me. I will be away from the life i have grown to love and separated once again from the only person that I have truly deeply cared about (sidenote: this is totally different from family and friends...i think you all know what i mean). i don't want to go through with this again, but if i want to keep him in my life we are going to have survive the next five years like this. FIVE YEARS!!! It's a long time, but at the pace time goes by, it will hopefully pass us by quickly. I have always thought about doing grad-school in Europe (Renke could be seen as another reason why i should.) There is the UN University in Geneeva, but there are also some other closer options like in Berlin and in Bremen. Who knows? But then I face myself with another obstacle...and that's choosing. I have always wanted to go to Columbia University, and it would be great for grad-school, but with my life circumstances, i don't know what will happen. Who knows if i will even get into Columbia?!?!?!
Ay, yay, yay, yay
What is a girl to do? I like to plan what i will be doing with my life in the next year or two. But at times i think that planning for the tomorrow is wasteful because all that time that you spend planning, you could have been spending time with the ones you love. It's just a big paradox. You have to plan for tomorrow, but who knows if you will still be alive next week or so. In the words of one my dearest friends in Rochester, "I should just tell the rest of the world to go fuck itself," and do what i want with my life. However, the little voice inside my head, which by the way sounds very close to my mom's, is telling me to reconsider and to be responsible. Ooooh, mothers!!! They tend to squeeze themselves into every aspect of one's life.
"Well-behaved Women Rarely Make History..."
-Laurel Thatcher Ullrich
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