Songs I Heard Tonight and Will Now Dedicate Them to My Life

Dear Life,

Keep on using me, keep on using me until you use me up.


You drain me dry and make me wonder why I'm even here
This Double Vision I was seeing is finally clear
You want to stay but you know very well I want you gone
Not fit to fuckin' tread the ground that I'm walking on.


We'll get her jacked up on some cheap champagne
We'll let the good times all roll out
And if the music ain't good, well it's just too bad
We're gonna sing along no matter what.
 

Love,
Gaby

A Nice Surprise

Here I thought today was a bad day, but my dear friend Nick surprised me with a serenade of "Stand by Me" by the Acapella group After Hours. As they sang their song, Nick and I waltzed along. He proceeded to give me a pink carnation with a note attached to it. This was an early Valentine's Day gift from him which was completely unexpected on my part. I am so lucky to have him here taking care of me; even more, I am blessed to have him as a friend.
But with these gorgeous details, I was sadden by the thought of you. I know Valentine's Day is just a fabricated holiday by the Hallmark Card Industry, but it would be nice if maybe once, just once, we could spend it together. *sigh* But I guess this wish of mine will have to wait a while before it comes true.

Happy Valentine's Day...

Slowly becoming an A-dult!!!

So, I am leaving early tomorrow morning to go to New York City for a JOB INTERVIEW!!! It's my first one ever, well apart from my job interviews for the jobs on campus that I have had, this is the first professional setting that I will be in. It's kind of scary (and crazy), especially because I won't have anybody there with me. I will be in NYC all alone for the first time ever. I don't know if I will be able to handle all the psychological trauma. But there is one consolation, I am going to ChinaTown and buy myself a purse!!! Diana told me to be careful and not to get shot! Ha! I gave her a scare last time we went to the city.
Well, if I don't get that job in NYC or anything, I was offerred a full-time position at my office after graduation, which in a way it kind of rocks. Finally, after four years of working for them and going through hell, it will all pay off. But I am really counting on something outside of Rochester. I think I need the change.
I will keep y'all posted on the interview's results.

The Arrows of Fate Will Always Hit Their Prey

I wish I could hold that to be true, but as of now, I see no Arrows coming towards my direction. Doubt and confussion are predators who feed upon me without remorse. I am trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but with each passing day its darkness seems to accumulate in my thoughts, and what's even worse, in my heart. Yet, at times I feel like a walking contradiction cheering myself on, but singing elegies when the sun goes down.


Things at school are going... let's just leave at "going". Like always, it is the same bull crap over and over. I think I might be getting a little bit too old (or should I dare say, posh) for this. After Friday night while sipping on my fifth Peppermint shots from a loodge and wiping the excess off my chin, I realized that I had finally hit rock bottom. Had I really become one of those drunkard girls who hangs tightly to her friends' arms not just because a sudden lost of balance, but because she is seriously afraid to 'stand on her own two feet'? I have had enough of it. And with my swaggering walk, I fastened my coat and walked into the freezing night to go home.
The following night was swollen with invitations by friends and acquaintances to go out and expose myself into that meaningless strata once again. But I found a better consolation staying at home in my favorite green comfy pants and U of R sweatshirt and watching a movie with my real friends. Attending time and life-consuming frat parties and social gatherings for the past three years, has drained me. I am overwhelmed and tired of the sick and pretentious words that I must listen and that I must say. I hate putting on those nice shirts with slightly tight jeans and high heels in order to impress people that I am probably going to see once or that are possibly trying to 'get in my pants'. I don't want to impress people like them. If I do wear those jeans or that litte extra something underneath my dress, it's for that certain special someone and not so I can have that little extra self-confidence I need whenever I meet someone new. I am condeming myself to life time of sweatpants and loose t-shirts. I promise I will not be rolling out of bed, putting on shoes, and going to class like a hobo. But I do pledge to wear that little something special for only my VIP. ;)