The Arrows of Fate Will Always Hit Their Prey

I wish I could hold that to be true, but as of now, I see no Arrows coming towards my direction. Doubt and confussion are predators who feed upon me without remorse. I am trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but with each passing day its darkness seems to accumulate in my thoughts, and what's even worse, in my heart. Yet, at times I feel like a walking contradiction cheering myself on, but singing elegies when the sun goes down.


Things at school are going... let's just leave at "going". Like always, it is the same bull crap over and over. I think I might be getting a little bit too old (or should I dare say, posh) for this. After Friday night while sipping on my fifth Peppermint shots from a loodge and wiping the excess off my chin, I realized that I had finally hit rock bottom. Had I really become one of those drunkard girls who hangs tightly to her friends' arms not just because a sudden lost of balance, but because she is seriously afraid to 'stand on her own two feet'? I have had enough of it. And with my swaggering walk, I fastened my coat and walked into the freezing night to go home.
The following night was swollen with invitations by friends and acquaintances to go out and expose myself into that meaningless strata once again. But I found a better consolation staying at home in my favorite green comfy pants and U of R sweatshirt and watching a movie with my real friends. Attending time and life-consuming frat parties and social gatherings for the past three years, has drained me. I am overwhelmed and tired of the sick and pretentious words that I must listen and that I must say. I hate putting on those nice shirts with slightly tight jeans and high heels in order to impress people that I am probably going to see once or that are possibly trying to 'get in my pants'. I don't want to impress people like them. If I do wear those jeans or that litte extra something underneath my dress, it's for that certain special someone and not so I can have that little extra self-confidence I need whenever I meet someone new. I am condeming myself to life time of sweatpants and loose t-shirts. I promise I will not be rolling out of bed, putting on shoes, and going to class like a hobo. But I do pledge to wear that little something special for only my VIP. ;)