I awoke today to an e-mail sent by our Senior Class President saying, "Only 61 more days till graduation!" And although this makes me really ecstatic, I realized that maybe I am still not quite as ready as I thought I was to go into the real world. In a little over two months, my life will be doing a complete 3-60. That is everything that I know and everyone (well, mostly everyone) that I care for and that I hold dearly in my heart, will soon be apart from me. Graduating and moving to another city is one thing, but graduating and moving to another COUNTRY is quite different. Besides a couple of people that I know, I am basically starting a whole new life in Germany. I don't know how well prepared I am for this. I think I would feel different about the situation if I'd move to some English-speaking country like England or Australia; but the whole-not-knowing-so-well the German language kind of has me freaked out. I am no longer that 18 year old girl that left to Germany without a clue, but smiled herself out of any awkward situations. I am an adult, and we all know that cute little adult habits (like my smiling and being overly nice) won't save my butt this time. *sigh*
I guess I am doubting myself. In a way I think I am a bit disappointed with myself. Every time someone asks me about my plans after graduation I slightly bow my head and shamefully say, "I am becoming an au pair," but then I quickly retaliate by saying, "But I am also having an internship at the European Central Bank." To be frank, this wasn't my plan at all. Looking back at that young girl of 18, I remember wanting to graduate from college at the top of my class, then taking a six month break to travel around the world, in order to come back with a new perspective on things before starting law school in New York (or dare I say, Harvard Law School). However, these past four years in undergrad have completely drained any motivation and ambition that I once had. In law school I would become the woman I dreamt so much in becoming. I would end law school with an offer to join a law firm in Washington, D.C. or New York City, and maybe, even being engaged. It's funny how we create these mental checklists, but really, how many of us truly keep in line with them? Now, the only thing that I can check off my list is graduating... and that's even too much for me right now. I have to re-prioritize my goals, dreams, ambitions, etc. But above all, I want to, I need to, I have to get back to the old way I was... the Gaby, the Gabriela that was so fearless, loving, but even more so, HAPPY.
As for now, I am conducting a small experiment. I will do 10 Things that I have not yet done in the hopes that it will teach me to love and to accept every day for what it is. Wish me luck!
1. Become friends/"make things right" with someone that I do not get along with.
2. Express how I truly feel about an arising situation, how I feel, or any other circumstance of the sort.
3. Watch some classic movies: Casa Blanca, The Graduate, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Godfather, etc.
4. Dance in a public setting as if I were alone in my bedroom.
5. Avoid the "F"word for one whole day. Heck, make that one whole week! (Mind you, I did not curse when I was a little girl, but that was sooo long ago)
6. Go skinny-dipping.
7. Take a professional ball room dancing class.
8. Get over my fear/disgust of fruit.
9. Smile just because.
10.Go to the gym for more than 2 weeks in a row.