Home for the Holidays

OMG, so in less than one hour I will be going to the airport with Ms. Patz so I can go to home to sweet old Texas were the closest thing to a winter is a 'coldfront' of 60 degrees. Unfortunately, I will only be at home for about a week, but then I will be at London BABY!!! Yup, I am taking 'class' for about 2 weeks and watching about 18 plays. It's going to be mad hot. =) So, that means that I will probably not be in touch with you bloggers for about a month (tear drop). But I will definately spill all the details bout London darlin' and Tx. Happy Holidays to Everyone!!!


Keep those Margaritas coming!!!!

Lena, Claudia, Me, & Renke

The unXpected

Well, the celebrations for the 21st were awesome. At work, my co-workers brought me some chocolate cake (which I still have some, so if you want any just stop by) and sang "Happy Birthday" very out of tune....I don't think I want to hear that song again for awhile, jk. I had lunch with my friend Steve. It was nice, it has been a long time since the two of us have sat down and just talked. He made me the cutest card. It was inspired by a kindergarten class. =) In the evening I went to Panera's with some friends and watched the movie Closer. I must say I reccommend it. It gives a very realistic view of love. My favorite quote from that movie has to be "Lying is the World's Currency." How true!!!
But the most surprising thing about my birthday wasn't even on that day. It happened yesterday. I was coming out of Danforth from dinner with Trina, and I am walking into CLARK and my phone rings. I swear when it rang this feeling came over me. I had a knot in my stomach and as soon as I saw the numbers 449 on my cell phone my knot turned into a choke. Yes, it was a blast from the past. It was my exboyfriend. Renke. Calling. From Germany. Too many emotions overcame me, and all at once I was happy, sad, angry, confused, torn....It was completely unexpected because the last time we talked we didn't say goodbye in the nicest way. He said too many things that just brought back the pain of what I lived. Its like the wound was healing, but with yesterday's event, the blood is now gushing out. I haven't healed...

Day of Birth

Today is my 21st Birthday! However, I am not doing the traditional celebrating today; it really sucks because it is tright in the middle of finals week. But so far it has been nice. It snowed again, juts like last year. I think it might become a tradtion. Everything is so white and peaceful. It's beautiful. I miss the ones I love and in other levels I am missing something else as well. But no sad faces today. Just Smiles!!!! I'll keep you posted on any celebrating details.

End of Bank Account and Semester

I have no money; literally I am broke. Not a penny in my pocket, and it's all thanks to Credit Card bills. I swear those things are a trap , they will eat you alive. And I feel completely bad, because I can't get any gifts for anybody. I don't have money to celebrate my 21st on Tuesday and no money for the Club on Saturday. Geez, I wish we would trade cows or something, b/c God knows I have plenty of those...hehehe My classes are finally over, but I still have to finish a paper and study for a sucky PoliSci test which is keeping here for so long. Ugh!!! However, there is a bittersweet taste left in my mouth. Yesterday was my last day seeing Daniel (German Grad student). Yeah, I know we went through a whole lot of shit this semester,but that doesn't make him stop being the wonderful person he is. Hopefully, I'll see him next term, but it's quite difficult to say. On the brighter side of the rainbow, today was a pretty good day. All my classes are finished, I received a birthday present in the mail from my family, watched some SEX & THE CITY, saw Jeff at improv which was a total surprise and nice. By the way he looks great. Ah, stop it Gaby!!! Sorry Boy ADD, but at least I am not acting on my impulses. And yet, I think the highlight of my day was just a single IM that said, "I hope you're doing great, I am missing hanging out." Funny how you can go from one minute hating a person to the next feeling their warm embrace. Good night and I'll see you soon.

My GiRLz!!! 

And The Band Keeps Playing On

I wish I could be a big band singer and kick ass on stage. I can see myself all dressed up in a big dress, the light on me, and it's just the intimacy of the audience and me. So many songs, so many moods, so many feelings wrapped in every lyric that my mouth unfolds. I conquer all my fears on stage and does that I still have polish me and make me stronger. Don't mind me I am just rambling like usual? But have you ever had one of those times where you feel the need to be on top of the world and the only way to do that is by imagining yourself as your most inner desire? I really don't care if I am a big band singer, as long as I am on stage feeling teh warmth of the lights. I think what is the best about being on stage is that you live a life in which you look out into the darkness of the audience and see nobody. You don't feel judged, you don't feel spied on even though there are hundreds of eyes looking at you. It's not like real life; we don't have those illuminating lights to block out the smirks and the negative thoughts people give us so willingly each day. Let the band keep playing and let that spotlight shine all night, I need it if I want to survive this bubble called U of R. I look foward to the day in which I can carry my own tune without the help or support of 20 musicians.

Ramble, Ramble, Ugh

As promised I am putting some details about the Christmukkah I attended on Saturday night. It was great! Let's move on. Ok, so I won't end it so abruptly. I'll spill some more. We got there and the place was pretty full, altough I felt like an outsider for most of the part. I met this guy. Paul Sanders, he is an attorney (like whoa), pretty cute, and we talked and flirted, but just like it started, it ended. No number, no AIM, nada. Now, I wouldn't of been soo annoyed if this hadn't occured the night before. Yes, you heard right. Rejected twice in a row. Seriously, I am beginning to think that there is something completely wrong with me that I can't see and so I make up this illusion that I can get a guy, but then it slaps me in the face and laughs as they leave. And another thing, why the hell do have to rely on how many guys' attention I get in order to feel good about myself? Why do I have to depend on them in order to feel good? Why do I let these stupid societal expectations get the best of me and define my life while I know that I am perfectly content with myself? However, it has been hammered into my brain froma young age that women are nothing without men and in order to know our value we must look at the man we have by our side (or should I say infront of us). It's this kind of thinking that makes us the weaker sex, the needy ones, the ones to be protected. Well, you know what, FUCK THAT SHIT!!! I am not a total feminist, and why do I have to be considered a feminist if I believe that all those double-standards we have should be destroyed. You don't see me going around calling every man a "Macho" just because they like sports and believe they have 20inches of a made up something. No!!! But because I am a woman trying to fight for equality, I have suddenly become a burden to society and monster fully devoted to destroy the opposite sex. WHATEVER!!! I just want somebody to understand me and I thought I had found that person, but as soon as we got into the moment of truths he ran away. So, you can tell me all my imperfections, but I can't open my mouth one bit, not even to let out a sigh, because then your feelings get hurt and because it is not nice for a girl to speak her mind let alone to have an intellegent thought. I am sorry, I am bitching. But I really thought this person really got me and made me feel special (ah, there's that word). Yet, what was special about me was the same thing that every girl has between her legs. I thought being special meant that you have a unique quality to yourself that others do not possess. Apparently ladies and gentlemen I thought wrong. I've rambled for so long and I didn't get to a single point. So yeah, the party was nice.


P.S. I would like to get opinions from the males and females in this matter. Post a comment.

Pics & Stuff

Lapdances!!!

So the pics from A Mouthful of Birds are finally online you can check them out at http://im.theoryofpaul.net They're awesome and you can also see some from The Bald Soprano. Well, other than that not much has been going on. Last night's rehearsal was great. Last night's party not so hot. It sucked!!! Anyways, I have Matt's Chrismukka party tonight which I know is going to rock. I am going to see a billion people that I oh so love and meet new ones which I am so looking foward to. I'll have all the details tomorrow.

Last Night

"Someday we'll know if LOVE can move a mountain
Someday we'll know why the sky is blue"

Last night I went to go see The Bald Soprano starring dear friends of mine and which I was forever impressed with their work. Afterwards Ryn, Christin, Brian, and I went hand in hand singing a Wizard of Oz song and skipping over to Sue B. Hall. We roamed the halls for a bit trying to find people and then Brian and I went to Hillside Cafe where we saw Ms. Patty. And from there the night went on. Bits joined us and Patty and I had to sing "Happy Birthday" Marilyn Manroe style. It was hilarious. The four of us has this amazing 2hour conversation. Emotions were wild. We went from laughing, to thinking about disappointments, to missings our Nanas, to crying, to everything. It felt really good to have a conncetion like that with some people that I really care for and call friends.
This weekend plans to be insane. I have a two hour rehearsal tonight and tomorrow, I have to go to Wegman's to stock up on some stuff. Then Friday night is Oktoberfest and CLC, Saturday night Matt's Chrismukkah (which is going to be a blast), followed up by a couple hundred pages to read for homework. Phew!!!! Too much to do and so little time to do it all in. Well, I hope everyone will have a good weekend; I know I will =)

Everything Zen

I did what I had to do
Said what I wanted to say
Let a tear drop because I needed it
Looked into sky the for an answer
Received the gift
Words were spoken to me
I responded
We stared
I took a breath
Relaxed my bones
Took the pain out of my heart
Found out the other corner of my world is all right
Ready to celebrate
Will experience ART tonight
Howl at the moon
And anything else that I might want to do