Music I am Currently Listening to

'Nighttiming', Coconut Records



'Miles Away', Madonna


'Say Goodbye to Love', Kenna


'Everybody Nose', N.E.R.D.


'American Boy', Estelle feat. Kanye West


'Nine in the Afternoon', Panic at the Disco!

I Know Somebody Loves Me...

I did not sleep well last night, and I have been having (like usual) lots of stress. I was not feeling all that well, but today as I checked my facebook account I saw I had a message from my little sister Christianne that read:

G-jo,
I saw these videos
and they reminded me how much
we loved the songs.

I love you

-Chrisy


I love you, too, Sis.

Here are the videos for your viewing pleasure.

'Fidelity', by Regina Spektor


'Somewhere Out There, (Gravity)', by Our Lady Peace

Expecting Expectations

My mother has always said that one of my biggest qualities and weaknesses is expecting too much from people, expecting people to be good, honest, moral, thoughtful, driven, motivated, generous, and so on and so on. But at times (or recently, it has seem often) my 'high' standards towards people consequentially have led me to disappointment and shock. Moreover, what makes the situation is worse is that I hold on to grudges, thus, the thought of the disappointment will always be with me. No matter how much time passes or no matter how many repairs have been made and apoligies been asked, I still hold on, remember, and constantly remind the victimizer of his/her wrong doing....probably because I want them to know how much pain and sadness their deception had/has/does hurt me. But this is where I am wrong. I keep feeding into this vicious cycle, and by feeding it, I continue to damage my heart, mind, soul, and the ones around me.
On the other side of the spectrum, people have told me to let go of expectations. Their reasoning being, if I don't have any expectations, then I cannot be disappointed, I would be surprised. But I cannot be so apathetic to the situation or to life in general. Why should I lower my standards to comply with the status quo of happiness? Is it so wrong for me to expect more than the normal average? Life is a one-time-gift that I want to enjoy and live to the fullest, hence, I expect those around me to know the same and savor life with me. However, how much credit should I give to people into telepathy? hehehe

A strength or a weakness???
A constant battle with myself, I guess....

Hug-O-Freak

I realized today that I missed being hugged on a daily basis. I know it may sound weird or maybe to some people a little bit disturbing. But to me showing physical affection is very important. Now, hugging does not only have to be an activity shared between you and your significant other (there are other things the two can do), hugging is also an action between two (or sometimes even more people) people who have a deep (non-sexual) love and mutual respect for one another. I miss very much Sandwich Hugs.... Sean, Mitch, and Nick would wrap themselves around me, leaving me in the middle and would hug me till I started yelling, 'Stop!' They said I yelled out of pleasure. Or, when my brother hugs me. He wraps his huge arms around me, cracks my back, and then lifts me up into the air. There is nothing like feeling loved and also getting a massage at the same time. Then, there are the ultimate hugs from my mom and dad. (However, I have never found someone who can hug me so intensely and loving all at one time like my mom.) In my parents' hugs I feel safe, protected, and like a child of 5 once again. No harm would come my way. It is a haven for safe keeping that only I can experience.

But what I really dislike are Hugs that do not mean anything...hugs, that don't have any feelings behind them. A hug is an embrace and in an embrace one should not be able to so easily escape. Hugs that are disintegrated with just one push are not worth giving nor receiving. I also believe that through a hug one can transmit energy to another. So, if you give me a lame weak hug you are filling me with doubt, sadness, and insecurity. But hug me tightly and warmly and you will have my attention and, of course, smiling.

Third Time is a Charm (and Death)!

So, first it was black and white, then blue, and finally, gold. Yes, I am referring to my dress for this little thing (a.k.a. BALL) I have in the beginning of May. This was such an odyssey, and it hurts me that I have none of my girl-friends here to share/live/cry with. Everyone knows how guys are, they could care less, so I don't even begin to tell the boy about it. He would not understand and then presume that I am a superficial American for putting too much emphasis on something that really does not matter.

But the truth of the matter is that it DOES matter. If dress code was not entailed to the word BALL, then there would be no worries about what to or what not to wear. And even though men vote not 'to care', men were the ones who invented these restrictions and compliances for an event's wardrobe in order to differentiate between social classes and elites. However, through time shifts and changes have occurred, and now dress code has become more of a set tradition that helps to install a common denominator amongst the masses.

So, the dress....I think the final color was inspired by a little quarrel I had with Renke. I always state that the German flag's colors are black, red and yellow. But, being a proud german Renke corrects me and states that the color is not yellow, it is GOLD.



Now, that really does not seem like the color gold to me, but as it was PROUDLY shown to me, the colors of the flag are in the German constitution and it states gold, not yellow. I may be incorrect technically, but if you would cover the red and black from the picture above, and ask anyone what color is the remaining color, they would surely answer yellow. I am saying, if you are going as far as to put it in your constitution then actually do IT! Deutschland, do not be all talk and no action.
And in consequence of this brawl, I decided to actually show what a true gold should look like.

You can see pictures later of my dress...