Sleep Deprivation

I have not yet gotten used to the time change. However, I think this might take awhile to adapt to because I was already suffering from lack of sleep way before I left the States. I am going to have to sleep somewhere around 2 days to get accostumed to the time chage. hahaha
Anyways, I am still here in the Mertes-von Köppen household. I will be moving into my small flat this Friday and early Saturday morning. It's quite cute and it is in a nice area of the city. Did I mention that it is located on Lindenstraße??? It's quite funny because that was the exact same name of the street I lived on in Oldenburg. But I guess almost every German town, city, etc has a Lindenstraße. This makes me happy because it makes me feel a little bit more at home.
Yesterday, I picked up Catalina from her daycare and walked all the way home. We passed through this beautiful botanical garden filled with water fountains and gorgeous landscapes. It was about a 25 minute walk; it was a little bit more than what I am used to, but I did not mind it all. From the garden, we passed through the older building of Frankfurt's University and down Gruneburgweg which was so full of trees that it was quite literally green. I love the city structure of European cities because they are so easy to get around in on foot, public transport, etc. This is something I missed quite alot in the States, however, last week's trip to Manhattan proved me otherwise. (I will soon post photos of that as well.) Yet, with all the beauty and wonderful things that I have been doing here, I am still a little bit homesick. I am missing my boys and my family as well. I wish I could have spent more time together, but oh well. Like they say in Spanish, "El 'HUBIERA' no existe." *sigh*
But I am looking forward to this weekend....
=)

A New Family

So, here I am reporting from the land which I have come to love, my third home (First, Mexico, then the States and now this one) Deutschland!!!
I arrived yesterday around 11 am (5am NY time) and was received by the wonderful Mertes-Köppen Family. Everyone greeted as if we were life-long friends. I was so happy to receive such a lovely welcome, but in the back of my mind there was you. The two boys, Felix and Linus, quickly took my hand and started chit-chatting non-stop. They quickly proceeded to ask me if I wanted 'Pommes' (french fries) with ketchup and mayo. As tempted as that sounded I had to decline because my flight fed me so many times that I felt that I had gained about ten pounds in a matter of a 6 hours. hehehehe
Felix is the oldest of the 3 children. He is 7 years old and being the oldest he relates very well to me. He was the first of the children to open up to me and make me feel at home. He is very smart and independent. Linus, the second oldest, 4 years old, is a riot. He is very funny and very creative. However, at times a bit moody, but only when he is hungry or very tired. It's typical for any child of his age. He already asked me if I could prepare him his favorite dish.....TORTILLAS!!! Both of the boys are fair skin (but not pale), have beautiful blue-green eyes, and dark blonde hair. Catalina, the youngest of the trio, is 10 months old. She is so adorable and has a very unique beauty. She has one blue eye and one green. I have only met one person like that in my life before; an uncle of mine. Catalina is a very fast learner, and adapts very well to things. She is also very observant of her surroundings.
As for the parents, what can I say? They are marvelous. Isabel is an economist who works at the ECB, where I will intern starting August, and Bernardo is a doctor. They are both young parents and love to travel and discover new cultures and foods (just like me). Bernardo is half Mexican and half German. His childhood years were spent in Mexico City. So, he is very fluent in Spanish, as well as Isabel who studied Spanish in the University. When the children are not around we rather communicate in Spanish rather than German. They have both been very hospitable and welcoming.

A Change

So, I graduated last Sunday and this Sunday, I am moving to
GERMANY!!!

This is a new chapter in my life. Let's see where it takes me this time around.

Deutschland, Part III

Oh my God, No Freaking Way?!?!??!

I am GRADUATING!!!!


Passed all my classes with flying colors....

4-A's and 1-B

I have never ever been so relieved
*sigh*


Woot!!!

Two Sides

I saw a friend of mine cheat on his girlfriend tonight....


They have been dating for about 3 years. He says he loves her, but that right now he is bored. He just wants something/one new. Just for a night. I asked him why does he want to do that if he is completely in love with his girl. He proceeded to respond, "I am a GUY. We just can't have one girl. We need sex. It doesn't matter from whom."

What the fuck is that?!?!?!?! I know he is my friend, but never have I ever been so disgusted with the male species. So, they are willing to give up (or fuck up) a great relationship that has the potential of lasting a lifetime for one night of non-meaningful sex?!??!

It makes me wonder....
Are all men truly like this? Should I be worried about my love being somewhere else... a different country, a different continent, an ocean away. ( I hope not...*sigh*)

I am appalled...


I am between a hard place and a stone. He is my friend, he trusted me enough to tell me what he was doing/feeling/wanting to do. But yet again, he is such a jerk. I pity his girlfriend.

I just hope that never happens to me.

*sigh*

U2

Whoever takes me to see U2 will be my love forever and ever....

I need to see the EDGE and Bono!!!!


Please someone, take me to to see them....

In North America or in Europe....

That would make my whole LIFE complete!!!!

A Final Bow

Tonight was my last night that I stood in front of an audience at Todd Theater. Todd has been such an essential part of my life these past four years. I have cried. I have laughed. I have made friends. I have lost blood and some skin. I have gained the world. I grew up.
I cannot picture my life without this beautiful idea of what Todd is and what it has been for me. It is the closest family that I have here. It's quite funny to picture my flamboyant director, Nigel, as a father figure, but he loves us unconditionally. We are his children. He has taken care of me, guided me. He has seen me fall and he has pushed me to the top. I would be completely different now if it weren't for him. (Thank you, Nigel...)

Although my time at Todd is up, this will not be my final stance before an audience. You can count on it!

My Last "Official" Senior Night

*sigh*
What a night!!!

Cheese.

"Ugh, you're that big? What the F***?"

Intense.

Eugene and me.

"Tis Pity WE are Whores"

Amanda came to visit.
Yay!!!

Jonny and Ted singing at the top of their lungs.

Ted.

Nick rockin' out to 80's Music at Vinyl Club.

Cheers!

Maroon 5 is Back!!!

Sexy Adam Levine and the rest of the gang are back with their sophomore album and their new single "Makes Me Wonder".

I love it!!!


Want to see the video???


Some Lyrics from "Makes Me Wonder"

I wake up with blood-shot eyes
Struggled to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry
Feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath, after that
After that
Try to get you back

I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a f**k about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
So this is goodbye

In our thoughts...

My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to the victims of the massacre at Virginia Tech this past Monday.



It really disturbs me how individuals can create such an imbalance in our society. Virginia Tech's massacre was just four days before the 8th anniversary of the deadly Columbine High School killings. We are once again reminded of the shootings in 1966 at the University of Texas. I beg to ask the question, how can this be possible? How can someone ( of a young age, if I may add) go on a shooting rampage that kills and injures so many innocent lives? I know our society is not the best, but how much has it disappointed them for them to takes these measures of action against it? I am not sure if this is caused by bullying, lack of parental attention, or just pure illness. I do not have the answer just like many others, but I do show concern. Unfortunately, it is times like these that we remember our mortality. Even a great country such as this has its own downfalls and impurities.

My Life as a Shakespeare Play

King Lear open last Wednesday in Todd Theater. All my hard work and countless hours are finally paying off. There is still some tension, but with every passing show I realize how lucky I am to be involved in this production no matter how big or small my roll is. Af ter opening night, the seniors, productions stage managers, and the faculty were invited to Nigel's house for an after party. I love Nigel's house. It's gorgeous. He has artifacts from all over the world that he collected from all his travels.
Unfortuanately, the night before opening night I received some rather abd news about my father. He was diagnosed with a tumor. The doctors did not know wether is was malignant or not. This was the tip of the iceberg for me. This whole semester has been filled with such turmoil so it was only natural for me to react the way I did. I needed someone to hold me or tell me everything would be fine. But no matter who I turned to, I was denied. Like a small child I rolled up into a ball and hid from the world underneath my bed covers.
*sigh*
But fortunately, my dad had his surgery and things seem to be fine now. He has to return to the hospital in for a check up and process of his post-surgical status. My lesson learnt from these past two weeks... well, (no matter how sad and unfortunate this sounds)... I have to learn how to deal with my own issues by myself. I can't rely on others in order to feel better. It has to come from within me. My life is one of solitude. I should not expectations of others, because I will just be disappointed in the end. Don't get me wrong I am not banning all my friendships, but I am a little bit more apprehensive in opening up to others now.

King Lear will be showing throughout this week and next. It really is a great show. Something that the cast, crew, director, and myself are very proud of. Visit http://www.rochester.edu/theater/box_office.php in order to reserve your tickets. Showtimes are: April 18, 19, 20, 21, 25, 26, 27, 28 @ 8pm Matinees: April 21, 22, 28 @ 2pm

The theater before the show.

Shows I have been in.


Roses I received opening night.

Dr. Jones ready for surgery.

Todd's Polatosaurus

Emily and me at Nigel's house

Kellen McNally making a face.

The two Seniors. *tear drop* Riffle and I... remember when
we were mere Freshmen. Oh, the memories.
"We are all undone..."

One More Worry...

Dear Daddy,

I love you. I hope your surgery goes well tomorrow.
Tell those doctors to be careful. Please come back to me.

Always, Your Little Girl,
Gaby




I needed to talk
No one lent me their ear
I yelled
No one heard
I shed a tear
No one wiped it away

No Cause, No Cause

As soon as there is some sunshine in my life, there has to be a sudden darkness that disapproves of it.
I feel alone, but through a conversation with my mother, I realized that I am not the only that has experienced what I am living through at the moment. She herself underwent the pains and worries that I myself am confronting. It's funny how things like this keep on repeating with each passing generation.
I wish I wasn't so far away from all my loved ones in this time of need. However, myabe going through this alone will help me become a stronger person.
I am just sick and disgusted with this disorder. I tell myself each day, I must better myself, I must improve; but no matter how much I beg and pray I still do not see a change.

*sigh*

Dealing with IT

I dreamt I died last night. It felt so real that I woke up crying, but the even weirder thing about that is that I was trying to wake myself up from my dream. I had an outer body experience. I felt my soul looking at my stiff corpse from above and not remembering who I was. As the blood streamed down my corpse, my soul started sheding thick tears of blood. I saw my mother calling to my corpse and yelling, "Wake up! Wake up!" But something in me refused to attach itself back to that broken pile of bones I once called a body. And with that, I let my body become entangled with the passing wind.



Freaky... I know!!! But in way I feel my subconsciousness is telling me something. I know I must sound like a baby all the time now. I am always complaining about something in my life. I just did not realize how hectic my senior year was going to be. Please, I BEG you not to come to the conclusion that I have thoughts of suicide. I love my life, family, and friends too much to do anything of the sorts. But I do think that there has to be some part of my life that has to pass away in order for me to finally get over what this thing is. It is easier said than done. First, I have to figure out what exactly is bothering me, then I can finally kill the problem from the root.
*sigh*

Littlest Things

Sometimes I find myself sittin' back and reminiscing
Especially when I have to watch other people kissin'
And I remember when you started callin' me your miss's
All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses
I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood
I don't know why I trusted you but I knew that I could
We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt
I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

Dreams, Dreams
Of when we had just started things
Dreams of you and me
It seems, It seems
That I can't shake those memories
I wonder if you have the same dreams too.

The littlest things that take me there
I know it sounds lame but its so true
I know its not right, but it seems unfair
That the things are reminding me of you
Sometimes I wish we could just pretend
Even if for only one weekend

Drinkin' tea in bed
Watching DVD's
When I discovered all your dirty grotty magazines
You take me out shopping and all we'd buy is trainers
As if we ever needed anything to entertain us
the first time that you introduced me to your friends
and you could tell I was nervous, so you held my hand
when I was feeling down, you made that face you do
no one in the world who could replace you

-Lily Allen

Graduation, Changes, Fears, and Something Else

I awoke today to an e-mail sent by our Senior Class President saying, "Only 61 more days till graduation!" And although this makes me really ecstatic, I realized that maybe I am still not quite as ready as I thought I was to go into the real world. In a little over two months, my life will be doing a complete 3-60. That is everything that I know and everyone (well, mostly everyone) that I care for and that I hold dearly in my heart, will soon be apart from me. Graduating and moving to another city is one thing, but graduating and moving to another COUNTRY is quite different. Besides a couple of people that I know, I am basically starting a whole new life in Germany. I don't know how well prepared I am for this. I think I would feel different about the situation if I'd move to some English-speaking country like England or Australia; but the whole-not-knowing-so-well the German language kind of has me freaked out. I am no longer that 18 year old girl that left to Germany without a clue, but smiled herself out of any awkward situations. I am an adult, and we all know that cute little adult habits (like my smiling and being overly nice) won't save my butt this time. *sigh*
I guess I am doubting myself. In a way I think I am a bit disappointed with myself. Every time someone asks me about my plans after graduation I slightly bow my head and shamefully say, "I am becoming an au pair," but then I quickly retaliate by saying, "But I am also having an internship at the European Central Bank." To be frank, this wasn't my plan at all. Looking back at that young girl of 18, I remember wanting to graduate from college at the top of my class, then taking a six month break to travel around the world, in order to come back with a new perspective on things before starting law school in New York (or dare I say, Harvard Law School). However, these past four years in undergrad have completely drained any motivation and ambition that I once had. In law school I would become the woman I dreamt so much in becoming. I would end law school with an offer to join a law firm in Washington, D.C. or New York City, and maybe, even being engaged. It's funny how we create these mental checklists, but really, how many of us truly keep in line with them? Now, the only thing that I can check off my list is graduating... and that's even too much for me right now. I have to re-prioritize my goals, dreams, ambitions, etc. But above all, I want to, I need to, I have to get back to the old way I was... the Gaby, the Gabriela that was so fearless, loving, but even more so, HAPPY.
As for now, I am conducting a small experiment. I will do 10 Things that I have not yet done in the hopes that it will teach me to love and to accept every day for what it is. Wish me luck!
1. Become friends/"make things right" with someone that I do not get along with.
2. Express how I truly feel about an arising situation, how I feel, or any other circumstance of the sort.
3. Watch some classic movies: Casa Blanca, The Graduate, Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Godfather, etc.
4. Dance in a public setting as if I were alone in my bedroom.
5. Avoid the "F"word for one whole day. Heck, make that one whole week! (Mind you, I did not curse when I was a little girl, but that was sooo long ago)
6. Go skinny-dipping.
7. Take a professional ball room dancing class.
8. Get over my fear/disgust of fruit.
9. Smile just because.
10.Go to the gym for more than 2 weeks in a row.

Spring Break 2007

On the plane to the Bahamas

Ahhh....

Awesomeness

Queen Victoria's Staircase
66 steps, one for every year of her reign

A fisherman asked to take my picture