lately...

It seems like i do things better when i am on my own...or maybe i am not so judgmental when i am by myself, but lately (being here in Braunschweig), i feel like a dimwit. i cant do anything right. the cooking that i once took so much pride in is gone down the drain. i dont know what i am doing wrong, nothing i prepare tastes good (and poor Renke, i can see him trying to swallow whatever mess i made). =( i was trying to do some laundry....i couldnt even separate it correctly. *sigh* i just get the feeling that this whole "let's play house" is not the right game for me. dont get me wrong, i love tending to him...its like showing him how much i care, but if i am sucking at it, wont that mean that i dont care that much???? *double sigh* God, knows that i am trying and i am trying to calm myself down, but everytime i try to do something it just ends up blowing up in my face.
I love being here, i just wish that i wouldnt feel so out-of-place. only time will tell, but sadly, my time with him is almost over and i will be back to hectic life in Freiburg. btw, i have been sleeping here so much that i think that Renke might feel as if i am a lazy bum....hehehe. but thats how a girl gets when she hasnt had that much sleep the last three weeks or try more like, the last three years.....
Well, until then, i feel like i should go read 'Home and Garden' or some stuff like that so i can feel at least competent in READING delicious gourmet recipies and keeping your whites apart from your colored.


Is there anyone out there
cuz it's getting harder and harder
to breath