Rochester, Take 3

Well, I have been back at Rochester for exactly a week now, and I have done so many things. I can't believe everything that has happened. Here is a list, because explaining everything in full detail would be insane.
1. moved in and decorated my awesome SINGLE room
2. said hello to all my friends
3. spend countless hours with my Cocowina
4. made pasta with Nick
5. worked on orientation stuff
6. met a million freshmen
7. went to the 24hr play festival and improv shows
8. saw Nigel Maister, Master of Fine Arts =)
9. went to Eastman and Java's
10. saw some ex-classmates of mine
11. have had endless amounts of pizza
12. have spent over $100 from my declining credit
13. partied extreme every night on the frat quad
14. watched Moulin Rouge and had cookies
15. hanged out with a guy named Cheese in front of D.U.
16. saw and got very excited about 2 Scottish boys w/ Katie D.
17. talked to Katie F. and Nadine
18. applied to Java's cafe
19. found 10 beers in my fridge (i have no idea how they got there)
20. missing my family and my friends
21. went to Wegman's
22. bought books and some funky socks
23. made (and currently still making) fun of freshmen

Well, there is actually a lot more, but that is just a little glimpse of things. I start classes this coming Thursday. We'll see how that goes. In the meantime, stay classy!!!

Just the 7!!!

Ah, today was one of the those days in which i love to live for. The original seven finally reunited without any outsiders or worries. Yes people, you heard it right. John, Jonathan, Rick, Steven, Tracey, Terri, and I were back together for one unforgettable day. Jonathan invited us to his ranch that is located close to Rio Grande City. *sigh* It was like old times. We all had some nice cold drinks, some barbequed deer, and just a heck of time. You can say our little outing was a bit on the stereotypical side of waaaayyyyy Texan, but i don't mind. I am a freakin' Texan and if anyone has a problem with it, then deal with it....hehehehe Damn! I am getting all cowboy up on y'alls asses. =) I am soo sad that the summer is ending so quickly, but i couldn't be happier than with this conclusion to a wonderful summer. Of course tomorrow night, we will have the traditional goodbye late dinner at I.H.O.P. I don't want to cry tomorrow. However, I am excited to get back to the ROC and fix my single, and of course to see all my friends. Oh, before i forget major congrats to my best friend Tracey for obtaining her great score on the DAT!!! Next summer she will be in San Antonio to become a dentist. Yay, free dental care for me!!! hehehe I mean...ugh, hahaha Trace, I am so proud of you. You did it! Well, peepz in a couple of days a whole new chapter in my life and in my friends' life is about to begin, I can only welcome it with open arms. "This is the dawning of the rest of our lives" - Greenday

Freaking Stock Market

My life is so pathetic that I get stock advertisements on my freaking comments in my blog. Let me tell you; you have to be quite a loser to get those kinds of ads in your online diary. *sigh* Well, it seems that my problems will never get resolved. I have boy issues, confidence issues, school issues, work issues, responsibility issues, and to add on to the list, I have issues at home as well. I don't want to talk about it much online or then I would probably get lendingtree.com on my comments list as well. (I think you can guess what's going with that little statement.) I don't have anymore strength to fight this. I feel that my family and I are barely surviving. My mother is not giving up without a fight. God only knows the miracle she has done around the house in order to give her family the best in her power. I just wish that at times this wouldn't revolve around that green venom that we all long for. I want to close my eyes until all of this goes away..... maybe even longer. Once again, I long for that time of innocence and content, of sunday dresses and ice cream sundaes, of tranquility and joy. In the great words of the infamous Rolling Stones, "I can't get nooooo.....SATISFACTION," in all the sense, ways and meanings of the word. Hahahahahaha, you could say that I am waiting for my life to give me an orgasm. A very huge orgasm. =) What is so difficult about this, is that I know I can't just wait, I have to do something about it. But how can one improve their situation if they don't have anything to start with? Even Johnny Appleseed had one apple to begin his fruitful journey across the land. *1,2,3, sigh*

No solo de pan vive el hombre
-Shakira, La Tortura

Babies, Engagements, & Weddings...

So as the title states in my life there has been babies, engagements, and weddings. Don't worry none of the those are of mine property...yet (in the far far far future) But lately it seem like everyone around me has been living this experience of a lifetime that includes some type of overwhelming responisibility, but filled with love. I am not saying that I want this all of this, just a part of it. I think you know which part of the bargain I desire, and I can totally say it does not include a newborn or a diamond ring. I was at Barnes & Noble today. I was listening to a couple of CDs, and I came upon Dane Cook's new cd "Retaliation". Dane Cook is a comedian that thanks to my friend Diana I am now addicted to. Anyways, I was listening to part of his stand-up routine when all of the sudden he starts hitting the wound. He says, "And what the heck is up with love. It seems that when you are out of it or lacking it, the whole world is in love, even that bitch Megan who nobody likes has someone to give her TLC." And you know what, it is f***ing true!!! Yes, people I used the "f" word and three exclamation points. So I was driving back from Barnes and this song tittled "Entra a mi Vida" or in other words "Enter my life" by Sin Banderas. The words reminded me of something that happened in my world a long time ago...maybe one day it will repeat itself. But for know I will leave part of the song translated for you viewing pleasure.

"Enter my Life" Good evening. It's a pleasure. You were only another girl, but after 5 minutes you were somebody special. Without speaking, without touching me a fire turned on inside of me. I lost myself in your eyes as I didn't notice the time pass by. These days by your side have taught me that there is never a specific time to start loving someone. I feel something so deep that it has no explanation, no logical reason in my heart. Enter my life. I am opening the door. I know that in your amrs there won't be anymore nights of solitude. Enter my life. I am begging you. I started by missing you but then I started needing you. Good evening. It's a pleasure. Nobody else exists except for me and you....

More Rambling

There is nothing like going to H-E-B, buying a couple of Seagram's four-packs, sitting outside with your best gal friend underneath the Texan night skies, and chit-chatting the night away. Like always Tracey and I are disillusioned with the male species. Is it so hard to find a kind man (not a boy) who is willing to hold his girlfriend close during the times when she feels that her world is falling apart, who will be the first and the last call of her day, who will be there to cuddle with her during those stormy days, who will do anything to make her laugh, and who will not stop at anything just to make her smile? Maybe I had my chance, maybe I took it, and maybe I let it slip out of my hands. Isn't it funny how us humans are never satisfied? I mean, I think I once had this and I was too afraid to realize how good I had it? Why was I afraid of something that I have been wanting and desiring with all my heart? The only answer I can think of is the factor of stupidity and ignorance. Maybe to get this back, I have to let it come back to me. I will await with great patience. In the meantime, I have to re-focus on the rest of my life because if I don't keep track of it I will have nothing to offer him when he arrives. I am not only doing this for him or for the idea of a "him", I am doing this for myself. Someway or another I have to keep on going, perhaps alone at this moment in time. I must regain force, determination, and passion for this coming year of college which is going to put quite a landmark on my life. It can be either good or bad; it's up to me. I have to get over the fact that once again I will do another school year alone. I have my friends, but I need someone. Sunday morning, rain is falling and I'm calling out to you Singing someday it'll bring me back to you Find a way to bring myself back home to you

Seth Won!!!

I am such a loser, but i don't really care. So one of my few pleassures this summer has been the show "Kept" on VH1. It is with Jerry Hall who is Mick Jagger (The Rolling Stones front man) ex and is filthy rich. She practically just wants a boy-toy and so she can choose one "Kept Man" from the twelve participants. Each week one guy gets eliminated. It has been going on for a couple of weeks and this week's episode had the final two contestants. It came down to Austen and Seth (my favorite). And yes, you guessed it, Seth won!!! Which totally proves that personality is worth a whole lot more than looks to a girl. So now my show is over and i won't have anything to do Thursday nights from 8-9. *sigh*

I still feel pretty shitty. It seems that the more try, the more i fail. Don't you just wish you could just reverse time and go back to that day and age where you didn't have to worry if your socks matched or about that exam that is going to rule the rest of your life? Why do i have to worry about some stupid mathematic equation that i am never going to use the rest of my life? I mean really, will there ever be a day in my life that i am going to be at a bus stop and using the quadriatic equationto figure out when the next bus will come? Why do i have to worry ?


She screams in silence...

=(

So I messed up one of the few good things I had left in my life. I said some things or maybe it was the fact that I kept some things to myself. All I can say is that I thought I had something secure, something that I could come back to, but maybe it was my fault because I thought I had this in the backburner and could bring it back into my life. It was my fault for not taking care of it. Unfortunately, I have to know when to let it go. But it hurts me so deeply. I want to cry, but I can't let go again because letting go would be giving up. I don't want to give up or maybe part of keeping on the fight is to know when to wave the white flag.

Just Listen...

Ok, so what the "F" ? First, we are not talking for like a period of six months and as soon as I am starting to put your memory away, you show up with a phone call, or an e-mail, or a letter. And that is absolutely fine because I love that we can talk about anything and laugh, and act as if we have only been apart for a mere five minutes. But then comes a two weeks time and it all stops suddenly. Once again, I am left with my heart on the sleeve and it seems that you don't even care. You just wanted to make sure that you still had me wrapped around your little finger. Please don't let me keep on believing this. I want to think that you are better. I want to be assured that not all men are assholes. Restore my faith in your kind and give me a little hope. You know and I know that there is still something there. Why are you trying to ignore it? Why am I ignoring it as well? I don't know. All I know is that this constant feeling of solitude disappears everytime I hear your voice. Maybe I said too much, but I said it. The ball is on your side of the court now. The next move is up to you. You decide..... Una puerta azul, nunca hay que abrirla las pezadilla son muy largas