More Rambling

There is nothing like going to H-E-B, buying a couple of Seagram's four-packs, sitting outside with your best gal friend underneath the Texan night skies, and chit-chatting the night away. Like always Tracey and I are disillusioned with the male species. Is it so hard to find a kind man (not a boy) who is willing to hold his girlfriend close during the times when she feels that her world is falling apart, who will be the first and the last call of her day, who will be there to cuddle with her during those stormy days, who will do anything to make her laugh, and who will not stop at anything just to make her smile? Maybe I had my chance, maybe I took it, and maybe I let it slip out of my hands. Isn't it funny how us humans are never satisfied? I mean, I think I once had this and I was too afraid to realize how good I had it? Why was I afraid of something that I have been wanting and desiring with all my heart? The only answer I can think of is the factor of stupidity and ignorance. Maybe to get this back, I have to let it come back to me. I will await with great patience. In the meantime, I have to re-focus on the rest of my life because if I don't keep track of it I will have nothing to offer him when he arrives. I am not only doing this for him or for the idea of a "him", I am doing this for myself. Someway or another I have to keep on going, perhaps alone at this moment in time. I must regain force, determination, and passion for this coming year of college which is going to put quite a landmark on my life. It can be either good or bad; it's up to me. I have to get over the fact that once again I will do another school year alone. I have my friends, but I need someone. Sunday morning, rain is falling and I'm calling out to you Singing someday it'll bring me back to you Find a way to bring myself back home to you