Missing you badly....

=(

The Boyz Are Back in Town!!!

These are my favorite boys at Mi Casa...aren't they so adorable??? Oh, the fun you can have with a digital camera. (From left to right: Sean, Mitch, J. Wetherbee, Nick)

Uh-Huh!!!

Well, it has been a very busy week. There is soooo much to do and I don't have enough time to do it in. At least, I am not stressed out (yet!!!). There has just been good news pouring in the last couple of days. I went back to my job with the gals and they will finally be increasing my payroll. Also, I just received today acceptance to the study abroad program I will be doing next January in GERMANY if I may add. Yupee!!! I can't wait to go back, see everyone, and travel all around. I think I should just become a citizen of the European Union. Or better than that, a citizen of the WORLD. Ah, so much I want to do, so much I want to see, so many people I want to meet (and one particular that I would like to meet at die Lappan). Who knows what will happen? This is just a great start to the fall semester and I don't want this high to fall.....


Wind me up
Put me down
Start me off and
watch me go
I'll be running circles around you
sooner than you know

Rochester, Take 3

Well, I have been back at Rochester for exactly a week now, and I have done so many things. I can't believe everything that has happened. Here is a list, because explaining everything in full detail would be insane.
1. moved in and decorated my awesome SINGLE room
2. said hello to all my friends
3. spend countless hours with my Cocowina
4. made pasta with Nick
5. worked on orientation stuff
6. met a million freshmen
7. went to the 24hr play festival and improv shows
8. saw Nigel Maister, Master of Fine Arts =)
9. went to Eastman and Java's
10. saw some ex-classmates of mine
11. have had endless amounts of pizza
12. have spent over $100 from my declining credit
13. partied extreme every night on the frat quad
14. watched Moulin Rouge and had cookies
15. hanged out with a guy named Cheese in front of D.U.
16. saw and got very excited about 2 Scottish boys w/ Katie D.
17. talked to Katie F. and Nadine
18. applied to Java's cafe
19. found 10 beers in my fridge (i have no idea how they got there)
20. missing my family and my friends
21. went to Wegman's
22. bought books and some funky socks
23. made (and currently still making) fun of freshmen

Well, there is actually a lot more, but that is just a little glimpse of things. I start classes this coming Thursday. We'll see how that goes. In the meantime, stay classy!!!

Just the 7!!!

Ah, today was one of the those days in which i love to live for. The original seven finally reunited without any outsiders or worries. Yes people, you heard it right. John, Jonathan, Rick, Steven, Tracey, Terri, and I were back together for one unforgettable day. Jonathan invited us to his ranch that is located close to Rio Grande City. *sigh* It was like old times. We all had some nice cold drinks, some barbequed deer, and just a heck of time. You can say our little outing was a bit on the stereotypical side of waaaayyyyy Texan, but i don't mind. I am a freakin' Texan and if anyone has a problem with it, then deal with it....hehehehe Damn! I am getting all cowboy up on y'alls asses. =) I am soo sad that the summer is ending so quickly, but i couldn't be happier than with this conclusion to a wonderful summer. Of course tomorrow night, we will have the traditional goodbye late dinner at I.H.O.P. I don't want to cry tomorrow. However, I am excited to get back to the ROC and fix my single, and of course to see all my friends. Oh, before i forget major congrats to my best friend Tracey for obtaining her great score on the DAT!!! Next summer she will be in San Antonio to become a dentist. Yay, free dental care for me!!! hehehe I mean...ugh, hahaha Trace, I am so proud of you. You did it! Well, peepz in a couple of days a whole new chapter in my life and in my friends' life is about to begin, I can only welcome it with open arms. "This is the dawning of the rest of our lives" - Greenday

Freaking Stock Market

My life is so pathetic that I get stock advertisements on my freaking comments in my blog. Let me tell you; you have to be quite a loser to get those kinds of ads in your online diary. *sigh* Well, it seems that my problems will never get resolved. I have boy issues, confidence issues, school issues, work issues, responsibility issues, and to add on to the list, I have issues at home as well. I don't want to talk about it much online or then I would probably get lendingtree.com on my comments list as well. (I think you can guess what's going with that little statement.) I don't have anymore strength to fight this. I feel that my family and I are barely surviving. My mother is not giving up without a fight. God only knows the miracle she has done around the house in order to give her family the best in her power. I just wish that at times this wouldn't revolve around that green venom that we all long for. I want to close my eyes until all of this goes away..... maybe even longer. Once again, I long for that time of innocence and content, of sunday dresses and ice cream sundaes, of tranquility and joy. In the great words of the infamous Rolling Stones, "I can't get nooooo.....SATISFACTION," in all the sense, ways and meanings of the word. Hahahahahaha, you could say that I am waiting for my life to give me an orgasm. A very huge orgasm. =) What is so difficult about this, is that I know I can't just wait, I have to do something about it. But how can one improve their situation if they don't have anything to start with? Even Johnny Appleseed had one apple to begin his fruitful journey across the land. *1,2,3, sigh*

No solo de pan vive el hombre
-Shakira, La Tortura

Babies, Engagements, & Weddings...

So as the title states in my life there has been babies, engagements, and weddings. Don't worry none of the those are of mine property...yet (in the far far far future) But lately it seem like everyone around me has been living this experience of a lifetime that includes some type of overwhelming responisibility, but filled with love. I am not saying that I want this all of this, just a part of it. I think you know which part of the bargain I desire, and I can totally say it does not include a newborn or a diamond ring. I was at Barnes & Noble today. I was listening to a couple of CDs, and I came upon Dane Cook's new cd "Retaliation". Dane Cook is a comedian that thanks to my friend Diana I am now addicted to. Anyways, I was listening to part of his stand-up routine when all of the sudden he starts hitting the wound. He says, "And what the heck is up with love. It seems that when you are out of it or lacking it, the whole world is in love, even that bitch Megan who nobody likes has someone to give her TLC." And you know what, it is f***ing true!!! Yes, people I used the "f" word and three exclamation points. So I was driving back from Barnes and this song tittled "Entra a mi Vida" or in other words "Enter my life" by Sin Banderas. The words reminded me of something that happened in my world a long time ago...maybe one day it will repeat itself. But for know I will leave part of the song translated for you viewing pleasure.

"Enter my Life" Good evening. It's a pleasure. You were only another girl, but after 5 minutes you were somebody special. Without speaking, without touching me a fire turned on inside of me. I lost myself in your eyes as I didn't notice the time pass by. These days by your side have taught me that there is never a specific time to start loving someone. I feel something so deep that it has no explanation, no logical reason in my heart. Enter my life. I am opening the door. I know that in your amrs there won't be anymore nights of solitude. Enter my life. I am begging you. I started by missing you but then I started needing you. Good evening. It's a pleasure. Nobody else exists except for me and you....

More Rambling

There is nothing like going to H-E-B, buying a couple of Seagram's four-packs, sitting outside with your best gal friend underneath the Texan night skies, and chit-chatting the night away. Like always Tracey and I are disillusioned with the male species. Is it so hard to find a kind man (not a boy) who is willing to hold his girlfriend close during the times when she feels that her world is falling apart, who will be the first and the last call of her day, who will be there to cuddle with her during those stormy days, who will do anything to make her laugh, and who will not stop at anything just to make her smile? Maybe I had my chance, maybe I took it, and maybe I let it slip out of my hands. Isn't it funny how us humans are never satisfied? I mean, I think I once had this and I was too afraid to realize how good I had it? Why was I afraid of something that I have been wanting and desiring with all my heart? The only answer I can think of is the factor of stupidity and ignorance. Maybe to get this back, I have to let it come back to me. I will await with great patience. In the meantime, I have to re-focus on the rest of my life because if I don't keep track of it I will have nothing to offer him when he arrives. I am not only doing this for him or for the idea of a "him", I am doing this for myself. Someway or another I have to keep on going, perhaps alone at this moment in time. I must regain force, determination, and passion for this coming year of college which is going to put quite a landmark on my life. It can be either good or bad; it's up to me. I have to get over the fact that once again I will do another school year alone. I have my friends, but I need someone. Sunday morning, rain is falling and I'm calling out to you Singing someday it'll bring me back to you Find a way to bring myself back home to you

Seth Won!!!

I am such a loser, but i don't really care. So one of my few pleassures this summer has been the show "Kept" on VH1. It is with Jerry Hall who is Mick Jagger (The Rolling Stones front man) ex and is filthy rich. She practically just wants a boy-toy and so she can choose one "Kept Man" from the twelve participants. Each week one guy gets eliminated. It has been going on for a couple of weeks and this week's episode had the final two contestants. It came down to Austen and Seth (my favorite). And yes, you guessed it, Seth won!!! Which totally proves that personality is worth a whole lot more than looks to a girl. So now my show is over and i won't have anything to do Thursday nights from 8-9. *sigh*

I still feel pretty shitty. It seems that the more try, the more i fail. Don't you just wish you could just reverse time and go back to that day and age where you didn't have to worry if your socks matched or about that exam that is going to rule the rest of your life? Why do i have to worry about some stupid mathematic equation that i am never going to use the rest of my life? I mean really, will there ever be a day in my life that i am going to be at a bus stop and using the quadriatic equationto figure out when the next bus will come? Why do i have to worry ?


She screams in silence...

=(

So I messed up one of the few good things I had left in my life. I said some things or maybe it was the fact that I kept some things to myself. All I can say is that I thought I had something secure, something that I could come back to, but maybe it was my fault because I thought I had this in the backburner and could bring it back into my life. It was my fault for not taking care of it. Unfortunately, I have to know when to let it go. But it hurts me so deeply. I want to cry, but I can't let go again because letting go would be giving up. I don't want to give up or maybe part of keeping on the fight is to know when to wave the white flag.

Just Listen...

Ok, so what the "F" ? First, we are not talking for like a period of six months and as soon as I am starting to put your memory away, you show up with a phone call, or an e-mail, or a letter. And that is absolutely fine because I love that we can talk about anything and laugh, and act as if we have only been apart for a mere five minutes. But then comes a two weeks time and it all stops suddenly. Once again, I am left with my heart on the sleeve and it seems that you don't even care. You just wanted to make sure that you still had me wrapped around your little finger. Please don't let me keep on believing this. I want to think that you are better. I want to be assured that not all men are assholes. Restore my faith in your kind and give me a little hope. You know and I know that there is still something there. Why are you trying to ignore it? Why am I ignoring it as well? I don't know. All I know is that this constant feeling of solitude disappears everytime I hear your voice. Maybe I said too much, but I said it. The ball is on your side of the court now. The next move is up to you. You decide..... Una puerta azul, nunca hay que abrirla las pezadilla son muy largas

Woot Woot

I am back from Waco people!!! In one weekend I drove over 1,000 miles. Anyways, mad props to my lil' bro for doing so well in his swimming competitions. Let me just brag and say, MY LIL' BRO IS ONE OF THE TOP 15 SWIMMERS OF HIS AGE GROUP IN TEXAS. Yay! Awesome job EdWIN!!! Keep rocking

I am with you...

Emily...what a Biaaatch!!!

Well people this could very well my lost blog entry for a long while. There is a possibility that Hurricane Emily might come straight towards my home. Ok, maybe not my home technically, but it might come to the Rio Grande Valley. These past days we've had a couple of isolated showers which have not been that silent if i may add. Everybody please keep my sweet old Texas in your prayers and hope that big bad Biatch of a Hurricane will change its mind and hit Louisiana or some hick place like that. Oh, also please keep in your prayers that all the people of beautiful Cancun, Mexico are well. The hurricane is hitting there tonight. Thanks Y'all!!!

Crossroads

Is it so horrible for me to really be missing my life back at Rochester even though i am here at home with my family and friends? I know i needed a break from the hectic life i left behind, but there are times where i just feel so out of place here in Texas. I just wish i could combine both of my worlds together. I love being at home and getting to be with my family, but there times where i wish i could go out and just hang out with a couple of people who are my age. Don't get me wrong i have my friends (and of course my bf) here at home, but all of them, individually, have created their own life sort to speak here in the valley. Each of them have their own thing to do, their own little groups of friends, and so on so forth...i guess you can say i feel like a third wheel. I mean what can I do in the short period i am here. I would hate to make new friends just so i can say goodbye to them in a short time. There aren't any jobs here that i would like to do. And lastly, there really isn't that much great theater that i could get my hands into. I miss it....maybe it's just me getting restless. However, there is one big down side to going back to the R.O.C., the amount of work i have to do for all of my classes, and this upcoming semester is no exception either. Like my friend Diana said, I wanna go back to the social life i had at Rochester, not the work. I couldn't agree more. But thinking about it, I am not really sure if i want to go back to all the problems and the small campus that the university has (there are only about 4,000 students at Rochester which can get a bit annoying at times). I want to go back to the age of 18, just graduated from high school and about to embark on a journey of lifetime. I think what i really want to do is go back to Europe. I beg you not to think of me as being "posh," but i really do miss it. I was on my own, and i didn't have to worry about all the known people in my life. I was a blank page waiting to be filled with memories and new faces. I want to go back to the moment of time when i believed that good things could happen. A time when a million words could be spoken all through the eyes. Oh, how you read my eyes... I need a break. I need a rest. I need to stop.

Wo werde ich gehen?

(Bitter)Sweet Fantansy

Oh my goodness, everywhere i go i am hearing this freaking song!!! Ok, Mariah Carey, i get the point and i am killing myself for it. What can i say, i agree!!! Ok, you got it out of me, but please stop playing that song. It's like that y'all....

Ok, so it's not the song that i just referred to, but it is a song off of her latest cd. You guessed it; it's "We Belong Together" I get it. Just don't throw it in my face. Every time i hear it i feel just a little bit more guiltier than the time before. Mariah, just leave me alone!!! hehehe Well, once again life and all its coincidences make me laugh. But just for kicks, here are some of the lyrics from the song. Enjoy!

I didn't mean it
When I said I didn't love you, so
I should have held on tight
I never shoulda let you go
I didn't know nothing
I was stupid, I was foolish
I was lying to myself
I could not fathom that I would ever
Be without your love
Never imagined I'd be
Sitting here beside myself
Cause I didn't know you
Cause I didn't know me
But I thought I knew everythingI never felt
The feeling that I'm feeling
Now that I don't hear your voice
Or have your touch and kiss your lips
Cause I don't have a choice
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To have you lying by my side
Right here, cause baby(We belong together)

When you left I lost a part of me
It's still so hard to believe
Come back baby, please
Cause we belong together
Who else am I gon' lean on
When times get rough
Who's gonna talk to me on the phone
Till the sun comes up
Who's gonna take your place
There ain't nobody better


Ok, Mariah, I get it....

ich vermiss dich...

The World is F***ed Up!!!

Well I had an amazing time at Austin with Tracey. We went to the Lifehouse concert and saw the love of my life ....JASON WADE!!! 1,2,3 *sigh* Like always he looked beautiful and sang beautifully as well. *sigh* I think he is the only guy around my age that is not a complete jerk if I am wrong about that i don't want to be right. He was sooo great (also Rick and Bryce). All three band members were so nice and funny when we talked to them and acted if we went way back....hehehe
Besides that, the world is f'ed up as my title so nicely puts it. When i woke up yesterday i could not believe the news about London. I mean, how the hell can some people bring devastation and sadness to the lives of so many? My friend Amanda wrote me an e-mail saying how sad she was to hear what had happened, especially because her and I had spent about 2 weeks in London just a couple of months ago. We both fell in love with the city and grew some type of love and ownership for it. It saddens me that it has come down to the point that we cannot trust anybody and that we must always be vigilant whenever we go out into the streets, especially in larger cities. But are really small towns like mine safe from all this chaos? I even get scared at times that something might happen at my home because we are a very important border town due to our proximity with the industrial side of Mexico. I just pray to God that this stops soon; not just for me, but for all the people in the world that are suffering too. Let our prayers be heard.

THE WEEKEND!!!

It's The Weekend ...

So muchto do, so little time, and so much fun to have! These are the plans so far:

1. Have breakfast at IHOP with Dad to celebrate birthday on Friday
2. Pack
3. Go to Tracey's
4. Hopefully go to Tico's with the guys
5. Wake up at 5 a.m. on Saturday
6. Drive to Austin
7. Celebrate Tracey's 21st
8. Have dinner with Tracey's familia
9. Rock the Austin streets
10. Take a tour
11. Keep the Sabbath Holy
12. Go to Lifehouse concert on 4th of July
13. San Marcos
14. Drive back on Tuesday

Phew!!! There is probably a lot more that I left out. Have fun this weekend everybody!!! =)

Everybody Wake Up If U Have Ur Eyes Closed

It has been a million years since I have blogged...
Well, I have been a little busy bumble bee here in the glorious RGV (for all those who don't know... Rio Grande Valley). Ok, so maybe not that glorious all in all, but I have been having a wonderful time back at home with my family and friends. I am so stress relieved right now from everything. There is no school, no work, no drama (*key point: i do not mean drama as in theater. in fact, i miss that the most), no snow, no bubble. Well, you know what i mean. So far all i have been doing is spending time by the pool or by the sea shore which requires a great ability of not doing crap. hehehe I am taking some German classes which are quite nice. I am the only girl in the class. ha! But we are only four students, nonetheless, my ratio is 1 to 3 =). There is no summer fling and I dont think there will be. In fact, i am kind of glad because i dont want some dweeb getting in between my fun time and friends. I have been thinking a lot about what i did this past semester and other than writing my last research paper and doing the two theater productions, there is nothing that i am proud of. My actions, my work, my mentality, they were all poor. And it seems like i was only spending time with certain people in order to numb the pain and feel as if i had some importance to someone in this life. I know it is pathetic and sad, but that was the state of mind i was in. Fortunately, i talked to someone yesterday that helped to clear up some of the clouds in my mind. Maybe next semester i can get to know these people better. i cant promise anything other than to think through more my actions. Well, i got to do some German homework before class. Everyone take care. Miss y'all!!!